


Where I Can't Follow

by MusicalLuna



Series: Superdads [6]
Category: The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amazing Spider-Man 2 Tag, Angst, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Parent Steve Rogers, Parent Tony Stark, Suicidal Thoughts, Survivor Guilt, superdads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-12-05 17:01:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11582376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicalLuna/pseuds/MusicalLuna
Summary: Gwen is dead and it's Peter's fault.





	Where I Can't Follow

**Author's Note:**

> cat-astrophicgem asked:  
> I just kind of wanted something that was canon with the amazing spider-man movies, and right around the second movie. I'm not picky about how you go about it but I really wanted the avengers to come in right after Gwen dies *sobs* like, they're on a mission or something and have no idea what's going on back in NY and it's too late to help Peter and it's all angsty and sad. Again, I don't care how long it is, how you go about it, or whatever. Shameless whump, and maybe Peter being hurt more haha  
> \--  
> i finally got some inspotivation for this!!

Peter is numb with grief and guilt by the time he gets back to the Tower.

The sun is up, bright and incongruous with the bleak cloud that’s settled over him. It feels like each of his limbs weighs a ton and he shuffles in through the landing platform door, because even though he wants to collapse and never get up again, he can’t.

Gwen is dead.

A wave of nausea surges through him as he remembers the loose weight of her body in his arms. He’d left her there. Lying on cold concrete in the abandoned construction site with Harry, bound and unconscious. He’d  _left_ her. Killed her and then  _left_  her there like garbage to be cleaned up by someone else.

He feels sick and he tears the Spider-Man mask off as he crumples to the floor, hunching over it as he heaves.

“Peter? Oh, god, Peter!”

He hears the sound of two pairs of footsteps running toward him and then there are big, warm hands curled around his neck, tilting his head up. Steve peers at his face, anxiety written in every line of his features. “What’s wrong? Peter, what happened?”

Gwen’s body had jerked and gone so horribly, horribly still.

All at once the numbness retreats and Peter sobs, reaching out to take the comfort his dad is offering him. He clutches at him, breaths heaving violently from his chest as tears burn his cheeks. He can’t even breathe, let alone speak.

“Jesus,” Tony breathes, and Peter feels his hand in his hair. “We saw the news when we got in, saw that Thor-knock off, and reports of some guy on a hoverboard? But they didn’t have details—Bambi, god, honey, what happened?”

He doesn’t seem to expect a real answer because he just presses close and kisses the side of Peter’s head while he tears apart again.

At some point they move him to the couch, away from the disgusting mess he’s made of his mask. Steve holds him in his lap and rocks him, murmuring nonsense comfort. Peter hates himself for the way he just takes it. He doesn’t deserve comfort.

When he’s exhausted himself, he comes to enough to realize he’s slumped against Steve’s chest and Tony’s sitting at Steve’s hip with Peter’s feet in his lap, staring worriedly into Peter’s face.

Through thick, choking shame, Peter croaks, “I killed her.”

His dads exchange a heavy, worried look and then Steve squeezes him lightly, says, “Who Peter?”

“Gwen.”

Peter feels like throwing up again. He stares at the frayed gloves of the Spider-Man suit and confesses, “I killed her. I didn’t mean to do it, but she fell and I—” He can see the confusion on his dads’ faces, so he starts over as best he can, the words spilling out of him like pus from a wound.

They’re horror-struck by the time he finishes and Peter has never felt so sick and ashamed in his life. They should—they should be disgusted at him for this.

But Steve breathes, urgently, like he has to say it, “Peter what happened isn’t your fault. You did the best you knew how to do.”

Tony’s eyes are wet with tears. “There are some people you can't—you can’t save, even though you do your damndest.”

Steve nods, his expression wretched. “Gwen chose to go with you.” He swallows thickly, and then croaks, “Allow her the dignity of her choice. I know—I know that’s a cold comfort.”

Peter doesn’t say anything. There isn’t anything to say.

“Let us—let us clean you up, okay?” Tony says and Peter nods because it doesn’t matter. Let them do what they want.

They peel him carefully out of the battered Spider-Man suit and reveal a big burn on his thigh that he hadn’t realized was there. They grimace and wince at all the bruises on his arms and the cuts sprinkled across the length of his body. Some of them are just dried blood, already healed, but some of them are in an ugly in-between stage. Tony goes and gets a first aid kit, and between the two of them, his dads clean and patch up every wound.

“Captain Stacy was right,” Peter rasps when Tony’s head is bent, covering the burn with ointment. His eyes prick with tears again. “I never should have gone back to her.”

Tony’s head snaps up, his mouth turned down in a fierce frown. “No. He was  _not_  right. It wasn’t his decision to make.”

“If I hadn't—”

“It’s not your place to make her decisions for her, nor was it her father’s,” Steve cuts in, his voice uncompromising. “Do you think it would be fair for your dad and I to blame ourselves for not stopping you? For not preventing this from happening to you?”

Peter swallows thickly. He wants to tell them it’s different, but he knows deep down that it’s not. “No.”

Steve kisses his head. “I’m so sorry, Pete. I’m sorry this happened and that you’re going through this. But it’s not your fault.”

“She died for nothing,” Peter says, tears slipping down his face again unbidden.

“Not for nothing,” Tony replies, and leans up, kisses his forehead. “She helped you save the city. She helped keep you alive.”

“I wish it had been me.”

Both his dads flinch, and Steve’s arms tighten around him. “I know why you might say that,” Steve says hoarsely, “but please don’t.”

Peter sniffles, guilt creeping in past the grief and he squeezes Steve back. “I don’t think I can do this,” he admits at last. “I don’t think I can—I can be Spider-Man anymore.”

“Okay,” Tony says quietly. “Whatever you want to do. I know this is going to be hard, but you’ll get through it.”

“We love you,” Steve reminds him and part of Peter wants to recoil. He doesn’t deserve that.

“We’ll be here with you every step of the way.”

A thumb brushes Peter’s cheek but he doesn’t see whose.

Exhausted, he sleeps.


End file.
